Now, before you start wondering, "But what about the zombies?" don't worry. Here's the list I promised at the beginning of this column, along with some nuggets you might not have known about our printing firm:
7. A printed map will let you know where the zombie hangouts are, so they can be avoided. Invaluable for tourists in Washington, DC, so they can avoid the walking dead at the Capitol and White House! Did you know we can print maps?
6. Bright-colored packaging, with realistic imagery, advertising TV dinners for zombies will placate today's lazy, new age zombies, who are more interested in convenience than substance, when it comes to preparing their meals. Did you know we can print all types of packaging?
5. Printed direct mail pieces can alert citizens to a zombie outbreak, and how to respond to an encounter; sort of an abbreviated version of zombies for dummies. Did you know we can print YOUR manuals, self-help guides, direct mail pieces, and alerts?
4. A well-organized, web-to-print portal will allow you to stay inside and order your printing, and not be susceptible to roving zombies. Did you know you can log in to our website, order printing, and send us files without leaving your desk?
3. Printed signs can direct the zombies to walk back to their graves or into the ocean. Did you know we can print your signs, get your car graphics designed, and make sure people know where to go?
2. Bumper stickers can alert drivers to HONK IF YOU'RE A ZOMBIE. Did you know we can print bumper stickers, labels, and other sticky stuff?
1. Printed zombie masks for humans will fool the zombies, so they won't attack you for your flesh and brains! Did you know we are can help you with all your printing needs? No fooling.
